things that piss me off at events(weddings/b days/mehndis)
hello
so it’s wedding season..and YOU know what that means… RETARDED things that happen at weddings :)
1. When you’re eating and BAM the camera man is taping you. WHAT DO YOU DO IN THIS SITUATION?!!?!? do you continue eating? do you pretend to be suddenly thirsty so you don’t look like fat cow in the video? do you pose? WHAT DO YOU DO? anything you do..is going to be SOOO awkward so good luck.
2. When guys try to “talk” to you at weddings. ARE YOU SERIOUS?
-everything is being taped
-you will definitely be in the background of SOMEONE’S pictures..
-IT’S A BROWN WEDDING..DO YOU REALLY WANT TO BE THE ONE GETTING MARRIED NEXT?
-my parents are here..and they hate you and they don’t even need to look at you
-don’t TALK TO ME. I HAVE AN ANGRY FACE ON FOR A REASON
-and NO i haven’t seen you at school/mall/ or anywhere else you think YOU may have seen ME
- i didn’t come to the bar to talk to you. i came to get a drink. no i’m serious i came to get a drink..why are you still staring at me like your going to a burn a hole in my face with your eyes?
3. food lineups. what is the point?!?!!?!?!??! everyone cuts in front of you. when the announcements are made to call each individual table up..YOU REALLY THINK that alllll those people are from table 13? NAHHH B.
4. aunties who look at you for more than 5 minutes. in these 5 minutes that they are locking eyes with you…they are trying to figure out :
-is she married?
-is she educated?
-is that her brother or her boyfriend/fiancee/husband
-are those her parents?
and then she smiles at YOU. RUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN.
5. girls in fitting clothes..that shouldn’t be in fitting clothes. i’m not going to explain this one..either you GET it or you DON’T.
6. when guys stick around during namaaz time. what exactly are you doing in the hall..still? is there a reason you can’t pray? i’m confused.
7. weird outfits… too tight, too many holes in places there shouldn’t be holes, too loose, too short, too long…ETC
8. too much makeup. why do you look like a drag queen? or why do you look completely different from when i saw you at the dholki?…weren’t you sitting RIGHT beside me?
9. weird hair styles. why do you have an up-do?…and you aren’t the sister, cousin or even CLOSE family friend to the bride OR groom? why does your hair have 92892873 hair pins? why is ur hair hard? why didn’t you comb your hair? why didn’t you thoroughly brush your hair?
10. when you have to walk across the dance floor in heels. THIS IS A TRICK. WALK ON THE CARPET!!! what’s even worse..when you have to walk across the dance floor in heels, with chai and with the camera on YOU.
11. when your dupatta gets caught on someone else’s clothes. this is an awkward moment NOT just for you but for the person who has no idea you’re stuck to them. if it’s a guy..prepare yourself..he may fall in love with you. if it’s a girl prepare yourself she may be a bitch to you.
12. when you’re getting biryani out of the serving dish and there are two spoons in there. THIS IS HOW IT WORKS PEOPLE» one spoon for the people on the right side of the line..one spoon for the people on the left.
THIS is not a chance for two aunties on the same side of the line to go CRAZZZY. this is also not a chance..for the guy on the other side to smile at you like he’s in love with you and the biryani and can’t decide which is better…PICK THE BIRYANI FOOL!
13. when the people in the next hall are anything but BROWN. you know they judge you because you’re leaving a wedding sober…and they don’t understand why you’re all dancing to weird music while being segregated…yet still dancing…
14. awkward photos being taken on stage. girls posing with their friends with the bride to be…while THE WHOLE HALL WATCHES. yeah this isn’t your chance to take out the sexy face, sexy pose…or anything remotely slutty. YOU ARE BEING WATCHED..BY EVERYONE EVEN OLD PEOPLE.
15. when dessert runs out. i don’t even like dessert BUT i know the sadness people face when dessert runs out. it’s heartbreaking. WHY DID THAT HAPPEN? how can dessert EVER run out?
16. when you take too much food at weddings. yes, i do it all the time. so you take way tooo much food..and then you’re left with a ton..and then the comments start:
- you know if you don’t finish your food you’re going to hell?
-you know that if you don’t finish your food you’ll have to eat it from the garbage in hell?
-hey mom can you eat it?
-hey dad do you want some MORE biryani??
-oh it tastes weird…so i can’t finish it ( YOU KNOW NOTHING IS WRONG WITH IT..YOU’RE JUST AN IDIOT)
-i’ll eat it in a little while. (LIES!..you know as soon as you leave the table..the lady will clear your plate..)
-it’s cold. (that’s because you LET it get cold)
so what ends up happening? you don’t finish it…the lady clears your plate..and then you have that guilty feeling the rest of the night..and you PROMISE your self to never take that much again………..until the valima.
17. seeing people you don’t want to see at weddings. this could include but not limited to: old friends, old co-workers, people you’ve talked to once in your life at another wedding, aunties who want you to marry their son..etc.
18. when your parents tell you to get everyone at the table chai… and you know you have to get EVERYONE chai and you also know you’ll have to walk across the dance floor…AGAIN…
19. when everyone is on the dance floor but the other people who don’t plan on dancing stick around watching… this is awkward. YOU are watching people from your table…dancing…. no this isn’t during the planned dances…this is when people are free styling. what are you doing? why are you taking pictures? why are you still here?
that’s all i can think of right now.
good day :)
NIGHTNIGHT by DEDDY
