um.wtf.brien

things that piss me off at events(weddings/b days/mehndis)

hello

so it’s wedding season..and YOU know what that means… RETARDED things that happen at weddings :)

1. When you’re eating and BAM the camera man is taping you. WHAT DO YOU DO IN THIS SITUATION?!!?!? do you continue eating? do you pretend to be suddenly thirsty so you don’t look like fat cow in the video? do you pose? WHAT DO YOU DO? anything you do..is going to be SOOO awkward so good luck.

2. When guys try to “talk” to you at weddings. ARE YOU SERIOUS? 

-everything is being taped

-you will definitely be in the background of SOMEONE’S pictures..

-IT’S A BROWN WEDDING..DO YOU REALLY WANT TO BE THE ONE GETTING MARRIED NEXT?

-my parents are here..and they hate you and they don’t even need to look at you

-don’t TALK TO ME. I HAVE AN ANGRY FACE ON FOR A REASON

-and NO i haven’t seen you at school/mall/ or anywhere else you think YOU may have seen ME

- i didn’t come to the bar to talk to you. i came to get a drink. no i’m serious i came to get a drink..why are you still staring at me like your going to a burn a hole in my face with your eyes?

3. food lineups. what is the point?!?!!?!?!??! everyone cuts in front of you. when the announcements are made to call each individual table up..YOU REALLY THINK that alllll those people are from table 13? NAHHH B. 

4. aunties who look at you for more than 5 minutes. in these 5 minutes that they are locking eyes with you…they are trying to figure out :

-is she married?

-is she educated?

-is that her brother or her boyfriend/fiancee/husband

-are those her parents? 

and then she smiles at YOU. RUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN.

5. girls in fitting clothes..that shouldn’t be in fitting clothes. i’m not going to explain this one..either you GET it or you DON’T.

6. when guys stick around during namaaz time. what exactly are you doing in the hall..still? is there a reason you can’t pray? i’m confused.

7. weird outfits… too tight, too many holes in places there shouldn’t be holes, too loose, too short, too long…ETC

8. too much makeup. why do you look like a drag queen? or why do you look completely different from when i saw you at the dholki?…weren’t you sitting RIGHT beside me? 

9. weird hair styles. why do you have an up-do?…and you aren’t the sister, cousin or even CLOSE family friend to the bride OR groom? why does your hair have 92892873 hair pins? why is ur hair hard? why didn’t you comb your hair? why didn’t you thoroughly brush your hair? 

10. when you have to walk across the dance floor in heels. THIS IS A TRICK. WALK ON THE CARPET!!! what’s even worse..when you have to walk across the dance floor in heels, with chai and with the camera on YOU. 

11. when your dupatta gets caught on someone else’s clothes. this is an awkward moment NOT just for you but for the person who has no idea you’re stuck to them. if it’s a guy..prepare yourself..he may fall in love with you. if it’s a girl prepare yourself she may be a bitch to you. 

12. when you’re getting biryani out of the serving dish and there are two spoons in there. THIS IS HOW IT WORKS PEOPLE» one spoon for the people on the right side of the line..one spoon for the people on the left.

THIS is not a chance for two aunties on the same side of the line to go CRAZZZY. this is also not a chance..for the guy on the other side to smile at you like he’s in love with you and the biryani and can’t decide which is better…PICK THE BIRYANI FOOL!

13. when the people in the next hall are anything but BROWN. you know they judge you because you’re leaving a wedding sober…and they don’t understand why you’re all dancing to weird music while being segregated…yet still dancing…

14. awkward photos being taken on stage. girls posing with their friends with the bride to be…while THE WHOLE HALL WATCHES. yeah this isn’t your chance to take out the sexy face, sexy pose…or anything remotely slutty. YOU ARE BEING WATCHED..BY EVERYONE EVEN OLD PEOPLE. 

15. when dessert runs out. i don’t even like dessert BUT i know the sadness people face when dessert runs out. it’s heartbreaking. WHY DID THAT HAPPEN? how can dessert EVER run out?

16. when you take too much food at weddings. yes, i do it all the time. so you take way tooo much food..and then you’re left with a ton..and then the comments start:

- you know if you don’t finish your food you’re going to hell?

-you know that if you don’t finish your food you’ll have to eat it from the garbage in hell?

-hey mom can you eat it?

-hey dad do you want some MORE biryani??

-oh it tastes weird…so i can’t finish it ( YOU KNOW NOTHING IS WRONG WITH IT..YOU’RE JUST AN IDIOT)

-i’ll eat it in a little while. (LIES!..you know as soon as you leave the table..the lady will clear your plate..)

-it’s cold. (that’s because you LET it get cold)

so what ends up happening? you don’t finish it…the lady clears your plate..and then you have that guilty feeling the rest of the night..and you PROMISE your self to never take that much again………..until the valima.

17. seeing people you don’t want to see at weddings. this could include but not limited to: old friends, old co-workers, people you’ve talked to once in your life at another wedding, aunties who want you to marry their son..etc.

18. when your parents tell you to get everyone at the table chai… and you know you have to get EVERYONE chai and you also know you’ll have to walk across the dance floor…AGAIN…

19. when everyone is on the dance floor but the other people who don’t plan on dancing stick around watching… this is awkward. YOU are watching people from your table…dancing…. no this isn’t during the planned dances…this is when people are free styling. what are you doing? why are you taking pictures? why are you still here? 

that’s all i can think of right now.

good day :)

Posted 1 year ago

things that continue to piss me off… :)

things that continue to piss me off…

1. When girls put up pictures and the caption reads “this is not a good pic..but it’s all i had” BULLLSHIT. YOU put it up..because you want people to TELL you..that YOU look good. What’s even worse…no one comments on your picture…

2. Fairweather. I usually LOVE when stores have sales..who doesn’t? but..when THIS store has a sale it’s EFFING CONFUSING. BUY one GET the 3rd item 25% off plus the first item minus the second will give you the discount but you can only pick from the areas marked with the blue sticker…and the ones with the red stickers..they are on special for buy 1 get the other free..ohhh and then the ones with the green sticker..yeah those aren’t on sale..but the one’s that are light green are 50% off… W T F..forget this!!

3. When you’re getting food from the food court…and the lady asks DID YOU WANT TO GET A DRINK AND MAKE IT A COMBO? this is a REALLY HARD DECISION… there are people in front of me and behind me judging me based on whether I get the combo. I mean..I could get the combo..it would just make it easier..but then the food I’m getting is already SOOO GREASY..so the drink won’t be “healthy”…but then I could get a diet drink?..but then wait…shit…I want water..but I don’t want the bottle of water..because it’s not part of the combo…HMMM why isn’t it part of the combo? LADY INTERRUPTS BY NOW: DO YOU WANT IT?…and what do I end up saying? no….thanks…sigh. I leave with my food..THIRSTY AS EVER…

4. When girls wear shirts that say: HOT, CUTE, SEXY..and various other RETARDED things. IF you have to wear a shirt that says it…yeah I’m just going to stop now.

5. When brown girls at malls where hoods or over sized clothing to cover any part of there face…because they are toooo chicken to be seen with their boyfriend. Why are you at a mall…and why the hell do you think by wearing a hood..you’re invisible. THIS IS NOT HARRY POTTER..OH HOW I WISH IT WAS..but it isn’t.

6. When your salan mixes with your dhai(yogurt)…ORR when your roti gets salan on it…

7. Only when your dad is in the room…do all the INAPPROPRIATE commercials start popping up on the screen. This would include: tampon commercials, anything in regards to kissing, condom commercials, naked girls dancing around in regards to having smooth legs…..etc. This forces you to have the most IDIOTIC conversations with your dad…ranging from something you saw on the news to…things you need fixed in your room.

8. When you heat up your food in the microwave..and you’re sooo excited to eat it…and the first bite you take..IS COLD. YEAH I KNOW.. I CAN JUST RE-HEAT IT…but it’s just the initial disappointment of the cold food in your mouth…makes you want to give up on eating.

9. Not that I go out anywhere..but from what I hear…brown girls dance near other brown girls when out clubbing… and I have a feeling..it’s because they feel that less guilty for being out. I’m not talking about the friends you came with..I’m talking about the only other 4 brown girls in the club..who look out of place…they gravitate to the others. BUT if…there are boys with them..they stay REALLY far away..obviously because they think you’re WAYYYY more slutty and that omg she’ll steal my boyfriend.

10. When brown guys at the mall STARE at you while you’re with your parents..and what’s worse…the friggin guy is with his mom. YOU NEED A JOB AND A WIFE ASAP.

11. When you can’t fall asleep at night…so OBVIOUSLY start thinking about SCARY CRAP..and now you know you’ll NEVER fall asleep. This happens to me ALL the time… I start thinking about how someone will break into my house..and who they will attack first..then I start thinking about where I would hide…….and it goes on and on…by this time I’m so scared…I listen for any noise downstairs..BECAUSE OBVIOUSLY someone must be breaking into my house RIGHT NOW!!

12. When the sales girl in the store is judging your purchase. She looks at the top..then looks at you..then the top again..then the price…then you again. I GET IT…I CAN’T JUSTIFY WHY I’M BUYING THIS..I CAN’T!!

13. When the toothpaste won’t come out of the tube…and you’re just too lazy to open up a new one..yeahhhh this pisses me off…but I DO it all the time. So..I end up rolling it up like a FOB..and SQUEEZE the life out of it.

14. When you’re at a family friend’s house…and the toilet is REALLLLLY far away from the toilet paper…I DON’T GET IT. I JUST DON’T.

15. When you go to the beach with your family and you have to wear a t-shirt and jeans..that you can ONLY roll up to your ankle…YEAHHHH because someone is looking at MY damn ankle versus the NAKED GIRL ON THE LEFT.

16. When you see someone after a realllllllllly long time…and have nothing EXCITING to tell them when they ask what’s new…so then you have to make something up..and you sound like such a DOUCHE. This is how it usally goes for me:

person: hey!! OMGG!! how are you?! It’s been like forever..what’s NEW with you?!

me: (SHIT..nothing..I don’t have a job..I’m still in school…) oh..you know SAME OLD..what about you?

person: I JUST FINISHED SCHOOL ANDDDD I GOT A GREAT JOB.

me: (WTF) that’s AMAZING!! I’m SOOO happy for you!! I like…work part time at the mall..and get like great discounts on SHOES. Do you like shoes? I love shoes..I spend all my money on shoes. I love your shoes…where are they from??

person: Yeah…shoes are nice… OH MY SHOES!? YOU LOVE THEM? My fiancee bought them for me!

me: (SHIT..)

That’s all for now…I will be adding more tomorrow I’m sure :)

Posted 1 year ago

my first post

hello

i have decided to start..blogging.

i know what you’re thinking..ANOTHER PERSON WHO BLOGS..WHO THE EFF CARES?

well i don’t care if you don’t care..i’m just really bored..and if you’re reading this..THIS MEANS YOU CARE <3 u!

reasons why i have decided to start blogging:

1. it’s summer

2. i’m unemployed

3. i’m bored

4. i have many things to say and i’m 23 living at home and a paki girl…so it can’t get any better than that?

okay that is my first post.

that is all…good day.

Posted 1 year ago